Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
