can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
