I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
