At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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