Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize