Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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