i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
