I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize