and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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