I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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