And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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