Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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