My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
