Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
