sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
