Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
