When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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