My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
