Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize