We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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