Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
