Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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