She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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