Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
