windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
