Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
