u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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