Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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