Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
