We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
