Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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