Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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