We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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