i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I think i got beer on your cat.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
