sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
