The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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