kristin has been a bad kristin
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
