haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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