we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
