I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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