The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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