This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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