I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
