so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
