Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
