I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
