just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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