He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
