Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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