true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
