I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
