Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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