I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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