guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
