oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
