Dual....:-)
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
