I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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