He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
