What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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