but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
