Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
