can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
