There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
