i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
