probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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