why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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