careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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