My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
