And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
