her vagine was all disorganized.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
