Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
