Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
