I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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