why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
