God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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