I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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