Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
If I had your ass I would rule the world
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
