I just made out with a guy for $7.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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