thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We named our party play list daddy issues
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
