He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Still dying that you shit outside
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
