i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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