So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize