Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
