Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i may or may not be watching the land before time
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
