I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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