Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
