Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
